“I told you it wouldn’t be easy,” Arlo crowed as Irv stared in wonder at the collection. “And please, don’t ask how much this all cost. I stopped keeping track years ago.”
Irv had never seen such a huge assortment of dicks in one place, outside of maybe an adult bookstore. The walk-in closet had been converted into a curated showroom of what must have been at least a hundred different sex toys, each prominently displayed on the carefully organized shelves surrounding them. These weren’t cheap ones, either: Irv recognized a few of the more exotic pieces from a certain infamous internet retailer, carefully nestled in spotless individual display cases. One of them even had its own mood lighting. Arlo was grinning from ear to ear, clearly proud of the choice paralysis he’d inflicted upon his guest.
“I can pick one I think you’d like,” he suggested, “If you’re feeling brave.”
“Let’s not get too fancy,” Irv replied with a smirk. “I wanna be able to sit down later.” He ran his fingers over a few that caught his eye as Arlo wrapped an arm around Irv’s shoulder, patting his belly. Leather pressed into his lower back.
“Oh, size king, huh? Shoulda guessed,” Arlo nodded sagely. “I like a guy who doesn’t shy away from a big hog. Wanna know which one’s my favorite?”
“Obviously,” Irv returned, trying to guess which one it would be. He suspected the stripey affair, since it looked like it might reach his ribcage, but Arlo immediately directed his attention to something more interesting.
“Check this out, dude. Borosilicate glass,” he bragged, pointing. “Pyrex for buttsex. Lube it up once, and it’s good for an hour. Plus, I get to look inside while I work.”
“Compelling,” Irv agreed. “Sounds a little daunting, though.”
“For a connoisseur like yourself? No way,” Arlo assured him. “In a few minutes, we’ll have you asking for it by name.”
“Which is…” Irv prompted, raising an expectant eyebrow.
“Butch Glassidy. I’ll introduce you to the rest of the Wild Bunch once you’re warmed up.”
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